Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
