nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
