Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
