I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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