Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
