Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
