How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I'm really busy with my period
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