I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
