I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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