I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
