i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
