so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I want a musical about memes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
