she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
