I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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