Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
