after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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