I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
