Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
