You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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