I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize