i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
whose parrot is this?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
