so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
