i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
