Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
