new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
