So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm passing your future prison.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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