All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
