I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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