Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this boner is exhausting
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
