ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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