nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
