Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
