I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
