It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
