my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
