I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
