You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
