haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He better not be in your backpack
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
