Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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