Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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