You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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