Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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