this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
