You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
