this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
