the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
