Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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