At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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