The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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