Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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