I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
