My first STD was from a foam party
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
