looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
