When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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