i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
