i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
