So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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