So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
