he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
