took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
