My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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