How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
