We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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