So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize