You made me cry and you don't even care
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
