Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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