i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
