You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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