I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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